


Morning Crisis, Coffee Needed

by Astray



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Loki being himself, M/M, Scheming Pepper Potts, Snarky Jarvis, Tony Stark is not a morning person, coffee deprivation, pranking Tony is fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-28
Updated: 2012-11-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:11:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astray/pseuds/Astray
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has troubles waking up, realizes it's way too early - and suspects Jarvis and Pepper of teaming up with Loki to make his life miserable.<br/>Maybe it was the case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Morning Crisis, Coffee Needed

**Author's Note:**

> Got the idea when I had to be up way too early and couldn't move around. I have no excuse. 
> 
> The reference to Nineveh is entirely due to the fact that Tony mentions the book of Jonah and since I studied that bit some times ago - and related plays - I had to put it there. 
> 
> I tried to keep them in character but if I messed it up, please, do tell me! *puppy dog eyes*

Coffee, he needed coffee. A punishing black no sugar coffee. Though his sleep-addled body did not even seem to know what was going on, and he silently patted himself on the back for the elevator. It was one of those days when his feet would have him sprawling all over the place. And he would have non of that. Had no idea how on Earth he made it to the kitchen. Probably he had a better autopilot than usual because his foot even missed the doorway it normally does not miss. Coffee was already brewing in the godforsaken Italian pot. Praised be the gods. Or Pepper. Probably Pepper. No one else in the area even knew how to work the devil's tool. 

Everything was harder, his mind working only to get him a Hulk-sized headache. A smashing, greening, growling pain reducing his skull – and brain – to smithereens. And it was not even the familiar hangover – that one was more like trolls hammering down the back of his head. Grabbing the pot, he poured himself a giant mug – one designed to contain half a litre... Though he gave himself a slight scare when it felt as though his fingers would not have the strength to hold the damn thing. Whatever happened? Jarvis was silent, for once, and he did not have it in him to bring about a whole 'I told you so' discussion with his all-too-knowledgeable AI. So he would not ask. Just wait. 

So he was just sitting on a stool, the steaming mug in front of him. And resorted to toy with it, out of boredom. Mainly using a spoon to tinker with it. Headache took global proportions, even his eyes hurt! Not like his whole body, muscles and bones included, was screaming bloody murder at him for even daring to get up. Exhaustion it was. Or soreness? And it was not even the kind that could be explained away by prior activities. Of the last day, he merely remembered working on his new suit prototype. He had not bothered checking the time, stalling even when Jarvis informed him that he was expected to go to bed fifteen minutes ago. Phrased like this, it was strange, but it was exactly what he said. And for Jarvis of all 'people' to tell him that...  
Only then did Tony dare have a glance at the wall clock ticking away on the wall. And would have dropped his mug, were it not sitting on the table, as though to mock him. 

“Jarvis.”

“Yes, sir?”

“Care to explain to me how the hell it's seven a.m?” He was actually doing his best to keep his voice level, just in case it would feed the gnawing monster in his skull. 

“It is only normal considering the way in which we are located according to the Greenwich meridian. There is no other way I could explain it to you.”

“Don't get too cocky.” Or you will lose your independence and got back to simply being a bot someplace. 

“I also was charged by Miss Potts to remind you that she had arranged an important meeting in Europe and that she should pick you up at 7.30 precisely.”

“The plane would have waited.”

“Should I relay this information to Miss Potts when she arrives?”

“If you value your circuits, then no.” He did not need this. It was too evil. Even Loki would not have done that to him. And that was saying something. It brought to the front the rather disturbing notion of the God of Mischief teaming up with Pepper. Tony had to shudder. 

“Okay, 7.30... well, it's too bad, I can't move.” Right then, dread washed over him. “Jarvis, when did I...” go to bed. 

“It was well past four and Mr. Laufeyson had had to haul you to your room.” If Tony did not know better, he would have sworn the whole thing humoured Jarvis a great deal.  
Nevertheless, he vaguely recalled being hit by something. Damned these sneaky gods. So, he slept less than three hours. He could live with that. It did not explain the weariness that was still turning his bones to lead. Or maybe it did. He was not twenty anymore. And if he recalled correctly, with the three hours from today, he must have totalled some 12 hours sleep over the next week. Which is not much. Or maybe it's the fact that he has to go to a blasted meeting that turned him to mush. Quite possibly. 

Now, all he wanted was to crawl back into bed, meeting be damned. And he did exactly that. He was way too sleepy to even bother waking Loki up just to rant about his methods of getting people to sleep. Being screamed at early in the morning did not sit well with Loki and Tony valued his life way too much to even tempt the god into sending him through the window and beyond. Instead, he slipped under the covers and used him as a living, breathing pillow. And back he was, waltzing with Morpheus. Unbeknownst to him, a smile was tugging at Loki's features. 

Tony did not wake until it was well into the afternoon, only to find an empty bed – and a cold spot. He glanced blearily at the alarm clock. Four p.m. Way to go avoiding a meeting. He yawned, dragging himself out of bed. He actually felt a lot better than the first time he awoke, not that he would admit it to anyone. Okay, now shower and then lunch. Or tea. Or something, whatever that involved food. 

He later found Loki lounging on the sofa like a big jungle cat, book in hand. Something in Norse, from the unintelligible writing.  
“Pepper did not come over with a chainsaw for a gruesome remake of _American Psycho_?”

“Hm...” Loki did not even bother looking up, though he replied: “Actually, she phoned to tell you the meeting is the day after tomorrow, and that she forgot to tell you yesterday. Apparently you did not even listen to whatever she was saying.” _Not that it's unusual since you never listen when you play with your stuff._ The rest of the sentence remained unsaid but they both knew it.  
Wait, that was not right. This self-satisfied expression was a dead give-away and Pepper would have phone this morning to tell him. Or Jarvis would have told him. How come he felt like there was an anti-himself coalition forming?

“No way Pepper would have forgotten. Jarvis, what's your excuse?”

“Apologies sir, I merely thought Miss Potts would know what was to be done better than I do.”

“What did I say about you being a smartass?”

“Nothing. You normally say 'cocky' though I would be interested in discussing with you how I can be a smartass, as you so subtly put it, given that I have not corporeal per se.” He could hear that smirk. Just as he could feel mischievously happy vibes coming from the couch. Someone, give him something to smash his head with. He needed the sweet oblivion. Now. 

Tony plopped on the sofa next to Loki, before he cast him a calculating glance. He knew that smirk of his all too well. 

“You are not planning on turning both Jarvis and Pepper into your personal assistants to prank me to death, are you?”

“Why in the Nine Realms would I ever do such a thing?” And he went back to his book. The poetic Edda. However, he ended looking up when Tony kept staring at him. “Honestly, I did not need to do anything, they are doing a fine job on their own.” Loki dropped the volume on the coffee table.  
Tony wanted nothing more than strangle him at that moment. Damned handsome son of a...

“You understand that I now have to kill you as a fee for my lack of sleep, I hope.”

“Says the man who forced me to knock him out just so I could get him out of his workshop.”

Tony will have none of that though. He leaned over the god, inwardly delighting in the fact that he was towering over Loki. For once.  
“The interest rates will rise to indecent levels.” 

“Sounds interesting. How about the arrears, if I refuse to pay?”

“These would be absolutely decadent. Arrears of Nineveh-ish proportions.”

Pepper turned off her sPad, content that her little scheme has worked. Perhaps Tony will think twice before drowning into his work. Maybe it was a sign that she should team up with Loki more often from now on. Pulling pranks on Tony was but payback for all the heart-attack worthy things he had put her through – was still putting her through. Cancelling appointments did not count. She was actually glad that Loki and Tony had gotten involved, though she was worried at first. But at least, Tony had found his match and was not so bored. Something that could be said about the two of them, it was that when they were together, usually no one would have to worry about blown up buildings, drunken parties and the like. And most of all: no more dry-cleaning, no more cheap perfume filling the air and what not. For all this, she was perfectly willing to put up with their eccentricities and the complaints from the other Avengers. Something about 'evil genius teaming up to make them go bananas', as Steve put it. 

Which made her think about checking the fridge's content. For all their genius, they were absolutely useless when it came to keep up with food supplies. Men.


End file.
